"Brohellean. Do you think it's possible to love someone because of a name? Brohellean. The Forest of Brohellean. I'd heard of it when I was only a tiny girl. They said it was in the middle of Armorica far from the sea. Warriors had extraordinary adventures there; ogres lay waiting for them and monsters too. But the Forest itself was beautiful. I knew exactly what it was like; never winter, no, nor never summer, nor spring nor autumn. The trees weren't ordinary trees; their trunks were of silver and ivory and their leaves of delicate fleecy stuff, like the finest wool. And when the wind blew, the flowers chimed like bells, for their petals were of gold and copper with jewels sparkling inside. Deep in the forest was the fountain of Belinus guarded by the giant Redblack. It rose near an ancient oak and flowed crystal clear, full of magical fishes that could hear and speak, swimming between shining rocks. One day, I told myself, I would go to Brohellean and amazing things would happen to me. I'd meet spirit people, and the monsters they said were there but I'd always be safe because I belonged to the Forest and the sacred fountain at its heart and Blackred would never let me come to any harm. Ah Brohellean; what a marvellous place it was.

"Now do you know how old I was when I met Lasanleawg? Just eight - long before I'd set eyes on Arthur - and he was ten years older than me. Tall and strong he was and his face shone from within though his eyes and his hair were dark. Yes, his hair was as black as night and thick and straight and tied behind in the nape of his neck. Once I saw him in the river with his hair floating all around him in the dark water and I dreamed about him afterwards and in my dream the whole river was his black hair. It frightened me for I thought, if ever I fall into that river I'll never escape from it. His skin wasn't white like mine; it was dark and when he'd been in the sun it got darker. I liked to touch his darkness, to put my arm next to his. I'd say, 'See how pretty I am Lasanleawg. Ugh. You're ugly and dark." Oh, how I loved his darkness. So strange and mysterious.

"You mustn't think I was attracted by him at that age. It was the name Brohellean that made me think he was marvellous. People told me he was going to Armorica to help the Dumnonians there against the dangers of Brohellean. Later on he won an estate on the edge of that forest, an abandoned estate with a fine villa on it beside a lake.. So many people came to believe that Brohellean was his real home. It wasn't. He was born on the Headland of Gamon where his father, who was Irish, had his fort. So beautiful it must be with the sea all about it; I don't think I'd have left it if I'd been born there. But men who live by the sea are always travelling. The sea doesn't separate Britain from Ireland and it doesn't divide us from Armorica. No, it joins us close together. It always has done. Aren't the men of Dumnonia the Fir Domnann of Ireland? So there was nothing strange that Lasanleawg should come over the seas to the court of Gerontius at Dindraithov where I was brought up.

"What a voice he had, so musical and never ending when he was off on one of those stories of his. Before ever I went to Theophilus' school, I'd heard the stories of Ireland from Lasanleawg. So had all the other children who were around - Cato and the rest. What tales they are: the people of Partholon and Nemed and the Tuatha De Danann from Greece and all the rest. Such nonsense, you may say. But who knows. Ah those goddesses, Banba, Fotla and Eriu. We drank in the names and listened to the adventures and sometimes, when he was talking away, I noticed his eyes on me. Then he went off to Armorica. It was three years before he came back, a warrior with famous deeds to his credit; no greater spearman was in the world, I heard it said. The grown ups had more time for him now, so he wasn't able to sit with us children telling his tales. All the same, when he was talking about Brohellean I did my best to be near. So Brohellean grew and grew in my mind until I began to think of running away there. Yet how? It lay over the sea, not so easy to run to.

"Now before he went back, something happened: I'd gone down to the river to pick flowers. It was hot and I fell asleep where the woods are heavy by a deep pool. I was awakened by someone speaking my name, softly, very softly. When I opened my eyes, there before me, his head just out of the water and his black hair floating all around him - just like my dream - was Lasanleawg. He climbed out slowly. My eyes were fixed on his dark skin and the black hair on his body. 'Don't go,' he whispered so that although I felt I should run I didn't move. He stood looking down on me and made me kneel before him. I shivered; the water that dripped from him was cold. But I was not afraid of his nakedness. I did not fear his stiff rod. He took my hands and made me caress it and said, 'Sweet golden Gwenhwyvar, what you hold belongs to you for I belong to you as sure as you are mine.' He kissed me, then put on his tunic, and I was alone.

"Soon afterwards he left. I went to Theophilus' school and everyone said how quick I was at learning. Let me tell you though; all those years when Latin was being poured into my head, it never drove out the memory of Lasanleawg. And as I grew older and became a woman, the memory of that afternoon turned into longing.

"Of course, young girls keep such thoughts hidden. I didn't even mention them to my sister Gwenhwyach. Though that's not surprising; she didn't like me much which never worried me. She's two years older than me and never lets people forget our imperial ancestry. We were orphans, as Theophilus told you and lucky to be brought up at a tyrant's court. Gwenhwyach knew she'd have to do as well as she might where marriage was concerned. Our dowries would be small. So you can imagine how angry she was to find out that Cato was arranging for me to marry Arthur and not her. She knew about it long before I did.

"I'd returned to Dindraithov from Isca. Gwenhwyach started on me straightaway. I didn't know what she was talking about. She accused me of doing something behind her back. 'What?' I asked and she shouted, 'Oh sly. Sly aren't we. Pretending innocence. You know I love him. So secretly you arrange with Cato to steal him from under my nose.' At that point she gave me a great slap across the face. I looked up at her through my tears and thought, right; whatever it is that you don't want me to do, I'll do. But before I could say another word, she yelled at the top of her voice - I'm sure all the people in Dindraithov could hear her - 'You're never going to marry Arthur. Never. Never. Never.' And with that she stormed off.

"The slap was nothing to the blow of those words. I stood there like someone in a daze, unable to believe it. What madness? Naturally, I knew Arthur. Everyone in Dindraithov knew him. I liked him - everybody did - and thought him fine and handsome. It was one of the accepted beliefs - like mead being good to drink and pork tasty. But never in my dreams had I thought of marrying him. Most girls are thinking of marriage when they're seventeen - and much earlier. Not me. I was content to go on learning with Theophilus. He was showing me the world with his books. None of the men around me could compare with Aeneas and the heroes of Rome. To me the people of Dindraithov were boorish oafs. Though I never boasted of my ancestry, in my heart I felt I was a Roman, exiled in a foreign land. The only man who'd been different was Lasanleawg. Still, even if I hadn't stopped dreaming of him, I was adult enough now to be able to tell myself it was only a dream. For all I knew he might have been killed in the Forest of Brohellean.

"Had Gwenhwyach and I been friends, we might have put our heads together to upset the plan. But she was blinded by anger and I by resentment. Instead of making a stand against Cato I said such things as, "I'm not ready for marriage,' or 'What about Arthur's wife?' Cato of course just pooh poohed what I said. 'You're being modest. All girls are. You won't speak like that after you've spent a night with Arthur.' And so it was that the plans were made and I was trapped.

"Some months before the wedding Cato took me to Camulos. I didn't like it. All warriors and horses and talk of war. So different from being with Theophilus in his schoolroom. In Camulos I closed up, tight as an oyster. Once I met Arthur's wife Gwen, by accident. I longed to say, 'I don't want your husband. I don't know why he's willing to put you aside.' She was gentle and pretty yet her large eyes were full of misery. Oh so sorry for her I was. Igernia was all for the marriage, of course. She liked my ancestry and favoured strengthening the ties with Gerontius. But Morgan was full of contempt for me. I felt like a sack of grain up for sale. Though Arthur was kind he hadn't the slightest idea what was going on in my head. No doubt Cato had told him how much I was looking forward to marrying him. He must have thought, here's a modest girl, so he did his best to look modest in return, though who didn't know how immodest he was with women the length and breadth of Britain. I remember one afternoon - just before we went back home - standing on the battlements of Camulos and looking towards the hills. All the trees were in a golden haze, and there were thick piles of leaves on the ground, though many were being whirled about by gusts of wind that had started to blow. So high and cold the place seemed. I wanted to get away and never come back again. Far off I saw a horseman galloping freely and I longed for him to be Lasanleawg. 'Ah Lasanleawg. Come for me. Help me to escape. Take me to Brohellean.' No one heard me except the wind and it was heartless.

"And so we were married and there we sat, golden and beautiful the two of us together. How fed up it made me to hear people saying that. I was nothing but an ornament. Inside, I was frozen as ice. Still, somehow or other I managed to get by. At least I was under Arthur's protection and shared the respect men gave him. At the wedding feast, Cato was sodden with drink and all tearful. What a good thing it was when he was carried out in a stupor. Then Arthur and I were taken to the bridal chamber and the flowers made me sneeze and sneeze; everyone laughed and said it meant a happy marriage. As they were all completely drunk they'd have said the same if I'd dropped dead. By then I wanted to be alone with Arthur just to be rid of them. But it wasn't much good between us the first time. I was frightened and glad when he was spent. I said that before long everything would be all right and he said the same. Then we went to sleep. But in the middle of the night he woke me and started to take me again. This time he didn't even try to be gentle. I just wanted it to be over as fast as could be. Then, as he pushed into me I heard him whispering, whispering; hardly more than a breath it was, yet I heard it, yes, I heard that name - 'Morgan'. Arthur slept soundly for the rest of the night. I didn't sleep at all. I lay there saying to myself, 'Did you hear it? No, you couldn't have heard it. Yes, you did hear it. He did say Morgan. He did say Morgan.'

"What a beginning to a marriage - made much worse the next day when we heard that poor Gwen had drowned herself. I couldn't put the terrible news out of my mind for a long time but I did my duty as a wife as Arthur did his as a husband. There was never much passion between us. Yet in time there was something else; I don't know what to call it but whatever it was it became deeper as I learned to perform my duties. I found out how to encourage the people; to make them feel there were two golden divinities working for them, protecting them. So much suffering there was in those years of war. What were my feelings set against the misery of the people? Theophilus' teaching came in useful. I could talk with Arthur about matters that concerned him. We could use our knowledge of the past to help us in our own struggle. I understood what he was doing and my life revolved around his prowess. Yet deep within the two of us there was sadness. I could tell that sorrow over his first wife was sometimes uppermost in his mind. Little by little I was able to get him to talk openly, until he even admitted to me what everyone knew, that he was the father of Morgan's child. For all that, he never told me what Morgan meant to him. And I never let him know that in my heart there was another man I still dreamed of.

"Now you've been to a meeting of the Round Table and I'm sure you realise its membership changes. Some tyrants are more interested in working together than others. A number of them are old and can no longer come. It's accepted that a deputy can be sent, though Arthur expects all who come to be prepared to work in accord, once a decision is taken. As Arthur's success grew, the meetings of the Table and the ceremony of the Renewal grew in significance.

"Several Armorican leaders have served on the Round Table. It's to their advantage for Arthur himself has sometimes sailed over to help them. Now it happened that a certain ruler in Armorica, the Tyrant Gradlon, fell ill and sent a message to Arthur saying that as he could not come to Camulos he'd send the best and bravest man at his court to take his seat.

"One by one the members arrived, though none from Armorica which wasn't unusual for the sea can hold travellers up, even in spring. The night before the meeting there was a great feast in Ehangwen. During it. a message was brought in that Glewlwyd the gatekeeper wanted to know whether some latecomer should be admitted or made to stay the night in the lodge. As a matter of fact we were having a celebration: Ehangwen had been rebuilt by Gwlyddyn the carpenter and Arthur was delighted for it was faultless. The ceremonial part of the evening was over and we were all enjoying the feast. No one wanted to interrupt the merriment. 'Is it a king or a craftsman who seeks entry?' asked Arthur and the messenger said it was neither. 'Then tell the visitor that knife has gone into meat and drink into horn and a great throng is in Arthur's hall. He may not enter tonight. Entertain him well in the lodge, and see that he has one of the hot arsed women of Camulos.'

"A second time a message came that the latecomer wanted to enter, nor would he reveal who he was. Arthur said, "Tell him that the bard sings and the strings ensnare and the throng begins to dream. He may not enter tonight. Entertain him well in the lodge and, if he wills, see that he is pleasured by two of the randiest women in Camulos.'

"Some time later, Glewlwyd Strong Grip himself came to the hall and said to Arthur, 'My Lord, never have I seen such a man as waits outside. Any part of his body has three times the strength of the parts of other men. He says he will come in, for he has waited to serve the Lord of the Island of the Mighty for seven years. If you do not let him enter now, seven more years will you have to wait until you have the greatest of warriors in your service.' Arthur roared with laughter and quipped that he could ill afford to lose the greatest of warriors though such a man must merit a woman three times more passionate than any Camulos could offer. Well, in a hall full of boasters you can be sure that there was a huge silence when Kei shouted, 'Give welcome. Noble Gradlon sends to the court of Arthur, Lasanleawg the Irishman from the Headland of Gamon. Give welcome.'

"I hadn't time to show surprise. In fact I didn't feel surprised; only a little voice inside me said, quite casually, 'Well he's come at last. Now let's see what's going to happen.' I looked at the door like everyone else, heard strong footsteps on the threshold and then saw Lasanleawg standing there. He paused to glance around the hall before walking towards us where we were seated in front of the newly painted screen, bright with its fresh colours. He bowed, came forward and addressed Arthur. I can't remember what he said or how he looked. I only saw his dark eyes as I'd always remembered them, full of tenderness and desire when he'd looked down on me as he stood naked beside the black river.

"Arthur enquired after Gradlon's health; then the conversation turned as usual to talk of fighting. Lasanleawg's eyes no longer lingered on mine though my gaze still sped towards him. I heard him say something about the Franks but all his words were as nothing except for one, Brohellean. My heart leapt, the Forest of Brohellean, still there with its flowers, its monsters, and its jewelled music, and for some reason I recalled that in it, near the Fountain of Belinus, stood a pine tree on which birds sang magically after every storm.

"Lasanleawg was led to his place at one of the tables, and the feast went its usual way - bragging by Gwalchmai, praise for him by Eleutherius, Cato slipping drunk under the table, Lailoken telling some rambling tale and forgetting it before he could finish and the bard chanting for anyone who still wanted to hear it, the details of Arthur's battles. From time to time I glanced in Lasanleawg's direction; he was just drinking and talking like the rest. At last I left with the other women - Morgan and Cato's wife. For once Morgan was affable to me. 'What a man Lasanleawg is,' she said. 'What a man. I'd like him in my bed. Do you know him? You seemed to-' A little too quickly I said, 'No. No. I've never met him as far as I can think.' She smiled sweetly and went her way calling. 'Sweet dreams my Lady.' I heard her derisive laugh as she vanished into the darkness.

"After that I saw Lasanleawg no more, no less than any other warrior; he greeted me and I him in all politeness. Nevertheless, it was not to be denied; our eyes were becoming traitors, if as yet not to others, at least to ourselves. When I went for a walk in the confined ways of Camulos or along the walls, or went riding outside them, I knew I had gone in hope of seeing Lasanleawg. If I saw him, my day was made; if I didn't, I felt gloomy.

"Have you ever noticed Cadfan that when spring comes but the snow's still heavy on the trees, even though the sun's rays are warm, the crystals stay hard. Suddenly, brilliant in the sunshine, you see a tiny movement, a crystal has melted and the flow has begun. Then more and more and you know that the world is coming to life. So it was with me. Though the radiance of Lasanleawg had pierced into me, it took some time before my cold body could revive.

"One rainy morning I was riding up to the gateway feeling as grey as the low sky; a training exercise was taking place and Lasanleawg had been away for several days. As I turned into the entrance way I saw him at the roadside, alone and waiting for the Chariot to rumble through the gate. I was obliged to join him to let it go by. I dared not look at him now we were so close. He said softly, 'Do you remember me by the black river Gwen?' Don't reply, I told myself but it was useless. Some other part of me was determined to answer, 'I remember everything. I remember everything about you and Brohellean.' The wheels grinding on the paving stones made further talk impossible. As soon as the Chariot had passed, I struck my horse and went up to Ehangwen.

"I tried to convince myself it didn't matter. My words had been just a slip of the tongue; if Lasanleawg wanted to be a fool and read something into them, it was his lookout. However, if ever he'd imagined that my words hadn't meant a thing, my behaviour proved to him that they had. Far from brazening the matter out, I started to avoid him. One evening when I saw him approaching, instead of casually drifting towards him, I made a turn in another direction. At once he changed course to catch me, so I veered again. He stared at me and then walked off quickly.

"Now Cadfan, you know how we all gossip in the upper hall - so naturally Lasanleawg was talked about like the rest. My mistake was to say nothing when anyone mentioned his name - I was always full of opinions about everybody else. Well, you know how Arthur starts the ball rolling by saying he wonders something or other about someone; then he sits and drinks in everything we say until he's ready to call us a lot of gossips. Hah, men! They gossip more than women. One evening he asked the rafters why Lasanleawg was so quiet and just concentrating on training and his horse. 'He should find himself a woman,' said Igernia, as that's her usual answer for all men's problems. 'Or maybe he likes men. I always suspect those very muscular men.' That's her secondary explanation.

"'Mother you mightn't believe it but some people can be faithful,' Morgan sneered. 'In my opinion he's miserable because he wants someone he can't get - just at the moment.' I was doing some stitching and concentrated hard on my work. 'You'll be straining your eyes,' Morgan said.

"Igernia's curiosity had been aroused, 'Wanting someone? I wish it was me.' Morgan laughed coarsely and replied, 'Who doesn't? Well, I'm talking about his wife Helen in Armorica. A Gallic woman, quite beautiful they say - of a senatorial family and a model of virtue. His son's called Galerius - very Roman isn't it for the sprig of an Irishmen; actually the Britons just call him Gwalchaved. Oh, you poor thing Gwen. Pricked her finger she has. What a nasty cut. Why doesn't someone invent better needles?' She leant over, 'Shall I suck it?' I said 'No,' very sharply. Even if I'd given myself away, as I knew I had - to Morgan at least - I wasn't going to let her suck my blood. Her of all people.

"Of course Lasanleawg must be married, I told myself. That didn't matter in the least. What did matter was that I couldn't deny to myself any more that I longed for him and would have no peace until he was mine. But if it was only lust burning in me, why hadn't such desires afflicted me before? Sometimes Arthur made me happy - especially when I felt he needed my comfort, though I never drooled over him and none of the men in Camulos had ever caused me to lose a wink of sleep. Was it nothing but a silly flame then, that had flickered when I was a girl, one that had never been allowed to burn its little life out? No. It was not that either. Flame there was but of a different sort. In Lasanleawg there was a fire that could consume me so completely I would no longer be just myself; it was a fire that for fuel needed the two of us. It would fuse us into one and if it consumed us entirely, what did it matter. As its smoke we would ascend together and be lost to the world forever.

"Oh yes Cadfan, there you lie, listening to me so quietly. I can hear your thoughts. What a stupid woman she is. Other Britons jump into bed with anyone they like and get it over with. Why didn't she just meet Lasanleawg in the woods and lift her skirt up? So easy for pagan Cadfan to think so. Cadfan who lies with whoever takes his fancy. For me it wasn't so easy. Theophilus had taught me that the noblest love is the Divine Love. Yet, even if I hadn't believed it, think what I'd become - the counterpart of the great Arthur. As he was above ordinary men, so, in the eyes of the people, I was different from ordinary women. What was more, I didn't want to betray Arthur. Men are affected by him like that too. He demands loyalty not with words but because of something in him. I could tell that Lasanleawg was already in his thrall. And yet the love was truly on both sides; each of them delighted in sending the other hounds or hawks or whatever treasure he thought would please. Oh, how much Lasanleawg aspired to excel before the god that Arthur is. What could either of us do when our hearts had been so touched by him.

"People who think they can hide their love, are fools Cadfan. Our glances, our quick encounters had already been noted by the world. I knew that my every action, even eating and drinking or riding my horse, somehow or other betrayed me. I knew too that Lasanleawg was volunteering to go away to fight beyond the normal time of duty because he too was troubled. Our desperation to keep apart was enough to betray us. And yet it might all have silently burned itself out had I not spoken up. Or at least I believed at the time I'd spoken up.

"One afternoon when I was about to have my hair washed, Arthur came to my chamber. Without a word my women bore off the bowl and the jugs for we all knew that face; something was wrong. As he intended, I asked, 'What's the matter Arthur?' He rounded on me quickly. 'You spoke a strange word last night. In your sleep.' I asked what word, fearing I'd spoken Lasanleawg's name. 'Brohellean. Now why Brohellean. Do we know someone from there Gwen?'

"I faced him smiling, strangely enough. It was out. He was accusing me though there was nothing to accuse me of, save my thoughts - but maybe they were enough. 'No need for riddles and ruses between us my Lord; Brohellean's the name of a forest. Lasanleawg's villa is near it, as well you know. So what are you saying?' I grew angry. By what right was Arthur questioning me when I was innocent; he, who had been with so many women? I spoke harshly. 'Alright. I said Brohellean. What of it? Shall I say it again? Brohellean, Brohellean, Brohellean. Does it annoy you so - a mere sound?'

"He seized my wrists and squeezed them. I let out a cry. 'Ah, you cry with pain,' he shouted. 'You understand pain. Then what of my pain? Yes, you must have gone with Lasanleawg all those years ago. You. Supposed to be an innocent child. I always knew you didn't care for me. You've always been cold to me. From the first night.'

"I shook myself free. I screamed in his face, 'Hypocrite. You hypocrite. Yes. I remember that first night. I was a virgin and well you know it. Or maybe you don't know what a virgin is. And I do remember in the middle of the night - when you raped me. Yes, raped me. That wasn't love. It was rape, rape. Can you remember the name you spoke while you were doing it?'

"Arthur was taken aback. You mightn't believe it; I'd never been angry with him before. He fumbled for his words. 'Can I remember? Remember what?'

"'That name you spoke,' He said he didn't remember treating me with anything but kindness, that he remembered saying no name. He backed towards the door and I could see he was regretting what he'd started. Though I pitied him I had to go on pressing him - for my own protection and because I wanted to damage the link that held him to Morgan. Then he began to defend himself by attacking me again - this time for being childless. Wasn't that a proof of my lack of desire for him? There, he'd made a terrible mistake; I shouted back that I was making up for it by being a mother to Amr and above all to Medraut. 'Medraut, the fruit of your own desire Arthur. Now tell me. That name. That name.'

"I became a termagant. How badly I behaved Cadfan. I couldn't stop. Finally I taunted him with being afraid of his own sister; on and on I went until he shouted, 'Yes. It's so. I don't love her; I fear her. I'm chained to her. To Morgan. Yes, Morgan. That's the word you want isn't it? I never made love to her. I was trying to free myself from her.'

"'Were you Arthur?' Then I gave the mortal blow, using the weapon Morgan had put in my hands for twice she'd shamelessly told me how Medraut had been conceived. 'The boy was conceived, so Morgan believes, the second time you tried to free yourself from her - your second lusty dash for freedom within the hour Arthur.'

"He rushed from the room. I wanted to follow him, to beg his forgiveness for I knew I'd opened a wound deep inside him. After that, a terrible coldness grew between us. He never touched me though then I really wanted him to, for without him I seemed to be nothing. He left me on my own but more than that, he ordered Lasanleawg to take charge of the defense of Camulos instead of accompanying him to war.

"One everning I went for a walk around the walls. I knew I'd meet Lasanleawg doing his evening rounds and he knew I was there because of him. We met as though we were already lovers; even so, our hands had never touched since he'd come to Camulos. Almost at once I had to turn away from him and grasp the parapet, staring out into the darkness, waiting for him to speak. He came to the point straightaway. 'I have to tell you now Gwen, for the first and the last time. I've loved you since you were a child. That day by the river when I nearly took you. I loved you and couldn't harm you. For it would have harmed you. And though I've got a good wife and a fine son, you are more to me than they are. And believe me, I love Arthur too for he's the glory of Britain. Therefore, since both of us are prisoners of our duty, I must leave you. I'll go as soon as Arthur returns and gives my command to someone else. Do you understand Gwen?'

"I nodded. I couldn't speak for fear of crying out. We looked at each other, for the last time I feared. From far away came the sound of a horn, like a signal for us to part.

"Arthur returned soon after and Lasanleawg rode away early one morning. Arthur was as cold to me as ever nor did I care. I wanted to be alone with my own thoughts. A gloom fell over Camulos for everyone had guessed how the land lay. Only Morgan was happy and Medraut who decided to enjoy himself in a round of quarrels with Amr. Before, I would have tried to make peace as I always did; now, what did it matter? Henceforth life held nothing for me but bitterness. One day Arthur came to my chamber and said, as though nothing was wrong between us, that on his orders Lasanleawg was staying not far away, at a house beside the shrine of Mahelwas at Glastun in the land of Avallach.

"What was I to make of it? Here was Arthur behaving as though nothing had happened to drive us apart yet blandly telling me where I could find Lasanleawg. Did he want me to stay, to go or was he putting me on a leash, to see Lasanleawg if I wished, yet still to remain his consort? That night I went with him to Enhangwen; the shouting and singing told of the great relief that our estrangement was over. Though I retired early, I stayed awake wondering if Arthur would come to me. He did, but just sat on my bed smiling a gentle smile that spoke of our renewed friendship. It was far more difficult to deal with than enmity for while I'd been waiting for him to come to me - no, since he'd told me where Lasanleawg was - my mind had been working. Perhaps I should say my body and mind, for whatever I did - taking out clothes, picking up a comb, choosing some jewelry - at each point an inner voice was saying, 'Yes you'll need those. It can be wet around Glastun; or, take two combs in case one's lost; or Lasanleawg won't like you in that.' Yet all the time I went on pretending that I hadn't made up my mind. My mind Cadfan. How many minds do we have? How can you make up what you're not sure of, especially when it seems to determine things on its own?

"I listened to Arthur saying how lonely he'd been without me, that he'd been wrong to listen to Morgan and trick me. He even laughed and said, 'I'll tell you, not one word have I ever heard you speak in your sleep. I shouldn't be surprised to hear you say you never dream.' I was on the point of saying, no, I do dream; instead I asked him softly, 'What is your will, Arthur?' His faced seemed, well if not sad, beaten. I'd never seen it like that. "I have no will Gwen. In these matters, no one has any will. Only be sure of this, that I am to you what I've always been.'

" He left and I must have gone straight to sleep. I awoke as the sun was rising. Long red fingers were prising their way through the cracks around the shutters. I threw them open to bathe in the light of a tumultuous golden disc rising into a cloudless sky and calling the whole earth to worship. How fresh everything was, how sharp and clear each sound; the song of birds and the barking of dogs, sharp because those creatures did what they did without thinking. They had no will; Arthur had no will; none of us had any will. I must be in one of those dreams Arthur said I never had. Everything was so easy. I put on my new cloak of marten fur. I ran to the stables. I say Elivri, my groom, paying homage to the sun as his lady Avallach, but I did not chide him. Never was he so swift to saddle our horses and off we rode. The strong gates were open and we were through them and down the curved path to ride north. On we went, splashing through sparkling streams, galloping over meadows, scattering sheep; I waved to shepherd boys who stood to cheer me on. At the forest edge, banks of yellow primroses welcomed me. So, reckless of danger, I rode ahead of Elivri playing touch with the sunrays flashing through the branches. 'Isn't this the Forest of Brohellean?' I called. No one answered; only hints said it was. I had come to it at last.

"Yet my journey to Lasanleawg was not entirely joyful. How could it be? When we had left the forest and gone along the safe path through the marshy land, we came, in the late afternoon, to the River Bru where the ferryman was waiting. I told Elivri to watch for me for three days and no more. Then I stepped into the shallow boat and was borne westward into the rising mist. The stream carried us on slowly between willow fringed banks until I could see them no more. Everything was quiet and not a word did the hooded boatman speak. We glided on through an endless whiteness silvery as apple blossom and with insubstantial shapes looming and fading around us. 'So this is the land of Avallach,' I said, really to myself, though no land could be seen, and the boatman replied like a shade, 'Aye, Avallach, Avallach, the land of youth.'

" I huddled on the bottom of the boat drawing my cloak around me. The river had opened into a huge lake now, placid and black. As the boatman was paddling along I heard the croaks and hidden splashes of creatures I didn't want to see. Dark fears rose in me. Supposing everything was another trick of Morgan's - even Arthur's affability and somehow too, this journey, with no Lasanleawg at its end. Then the boatman said, 'Look my Lady,' I sat up and threw back my hood. The mist had thinned. Above was a crescent moon giving just enough light to make out a huge cone towering above us - the magic Tor, the portal of Annwn.

" From the deserted wooden quay I walked alone, up and up. The people were abed in their huts but the sound of chanting was coming from the wattle church half hidden in the darkness. I shut out the thought of the holy men inside it and the sacred Chalice they sometimes brought to Camulos; I shut out the thought of the more sacred Cup that had held His Blood, kept secret in this hallowed place. From all those things I turned away and went up the Tor which too is sacred, though to the ancient faith. I walked quickly, following the spiral way, the way of death and life, until I saw the shrine of Mahelwas and near it a house with a single guard outside. I went in. It was very dark at first; then I saw through an open door the red glow of a hearth welcoming me. I walked across and looked into the inner chamber. Lasanleawg was lying there gazing into the flames. I stepped quietly over the strewn furs and cushions and lay down beside him. When he turned I saw in his eyes the Forest of Brohellean.

" For three days we were together up there, alone, alone, neither in this world nor in the Otherworld for we had entered upon a timeless world of our own creation, and there I gave myself to Lasanleawg completely, not softly as I had always given myself to Arthur. For the first time in my life I knew ecstasy. I longed to be enfolded in his arms for ever. Ah Lasanleawg, your body was the cross on which I lived and died. My reason for being on earth lay in your being." Gwenhwyvar paused for a while and the silence between us was broken only by the sound of the stream.

" You see, Cadfan, there are many roads to the Cross. And that is why we were able to discuss what we had to do with the greatest calmness; the reasons for our earlier parting were still there. I asked him about his wife and son and told him I couldn't do to them what I'd done to Arthur's first wife and to his son Amr. You Cadfan, will have some rational explanation of it all - maybe that our desire for each other wasn't strong enough to carry us over the obstacles we faced. I don't interpet it like that. It was our faith in the Divine Love, which is greater than all human love, which carried us over the obstacle of our physical passion. The significance of my meeting with Lasanleawg lay in our acceptance of the need for renunciation. Sometimes I forget that significance; you've seen me forgetting it, yet in the end I always come back to it for without it we should never have been able to measure either what we were or what love really is.

"On the third morning I rose early and opened a shutter quietly. The Tor was an island in an ocean of mist as though the earth had drowned and only our mysterious peak remained, the sun a mere patch of distant light, shimmering and edgeless, the sky boundless as death. I turned from the window and looked at Lasanleawg fast asleep near the hearth. I wanted to lie beside him and let his long black hair touch my skin, to hold his dark beauty again, to become him. My tears blinded me; nothing on earth could rival the naked beauty of Lasanleawg. Another moment and I'd have weakened. Then I warned myself, 'Don't look any more. Turn away. Set a sword between him and your eyes, a sword to be the symbol of your love.' I dressed quickly, took up his sword and kissed it. Then I left that room for ever to go to Arthur, my master as long as I live."

Now with a deeper understanding of the conflicts between Arthur and his Queen Catumandus also despairs of any accommodation with the Saxons. The forces at play in Britain are beyond control. Arthur sees this very clearly and though he manages most cunningly to balance the ambitions of those around him, tyrants, Christian priests, restless pagans, even his own sons, he knows that if the Britons fail to unite against the Saxon invader their end will be in sight. The climax of Part II is thus the fearful Battle of Badon from which field of valour and slaughter, Arthur emerges victorious, radiating hope for the future of his people.